I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
