Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
