Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
