Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
