Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
