He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
