i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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