its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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