then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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