Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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