I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
this is an emotional support booty call
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
