life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
