I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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