I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
