Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
