so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
