Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
