I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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