you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
