My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
