Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
