There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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