She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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