i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
