...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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