My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
