I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
me + whiskey = a bad person
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
