we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
