guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
