like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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