I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
