I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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