I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she pinky promised me she was 18
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
