So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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