so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
