Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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