help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
