And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
