you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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