i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
