idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
