I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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