He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
