my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
