As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
