I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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