We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
