MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
