i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize