In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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