who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
