He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
