I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
