help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
