I can text with my tongue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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