Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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