i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
