do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
