I want to have your abortion
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
