It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
