Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
