i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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