Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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