And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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