i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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