i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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