he thought i was a dude.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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